just got engaged? how to get started planning your wedding in 7 steps

Congratulations! Whether you just got engaged or you’re planning on asking your partner for their hand sometime soon, you are about to embark on a beautiful, sacred union with your significant other. Bask in the beauty of being engaged.

Something to keep in mind in your first few weeks of engagement is the timeline for planning your wedding, and any other extra parties surrounding the event such as engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette/bachelor parties, etc. If you have an idea about when you want to get married (for example: the following summer after the engagement) then it is super important to begin the wedding planning process immediately. This post is a guide for your first few steps to planning your wedding. Included are questions you can begin asking yourselves and a To Do List to get the ball rolling.

Image by Just Smile Photography

Step One: When

When do you want to get married? Is this flexible?

Discuss possibilities for when you would like the wedding to take place. One of you might have a strong opinion about the date of your wedding. Another couple might require that it falls on a certain date that is of significance to them. Other couples might have a strong opinion about the season the wedding occurs in. What does this look like for you both as a couple? Don’t forget that whatever date you choose will be the date you celebrate your wedding anniversary for the rest of your lives.

Step Two: Who

Who do you want to be present on your special day?

Make a list of all the friends and family that MUST attend your wedding. These are the people that you would reschedule for if they couldn’t attend. For some couples there won’t be anyone on this list. This step doesn’t apply for elopements.

Next, make a list of everyone who you really want to attend, but you won’t be cancelling your wedding for them if they can’t make it.

Lastly, make a list of everyone who you would love to invite, but they might get crossed off the guest list if funds aren’t available to host them.

Step Three: Where

Where do you want to get married? Is this flexible?

Discuss where you want to get married. Where are your two families currently living? Will they be invited to the wedding? Whose family has more ability and/or means to travel for the wedding? Is there a location one of you has always dreamed of being married such as another country, an all-inclusive beach resort in Hawaii, the top of a mountain, or your childhood backyard? It is never too early to begin looking for wedding and reception venues after becoming engaged.

Step Four: Weigh “Who” against “When” and “Where.”

Choose several tentative dates for your wedding and order them by preference.

Reach out to everyone on your “MUST ATTEND” list and ask if they are available on your preferred date. Tell them where you are thinking of getting married and ask if the location will present any obstacles to them attending your wedding. Once you collect availability from your “MUST ATTEND” guest list you can decide if your preferred date and location will work for your “MUST ATTEND” guests. If certain people aren’t able to attend on that date then you will need to decide if you want to change the date (or location) for those individuals so they may attend, or keep the date/location you selected, understanding that those special people won’t be able to attend on that date and/or in that location.

Step Five: Decide on a Budget

Who is paying for what? How much are you both comfortable with spending? Come up with a maximum cost limit for the total cost of your wedding. This is the number that you both feel comfortable spending, anything more than that number isn’t something you are both comfortable with.

Break down your wedding into categories by percentages. Multiply the percentage by the total budget number to find the spending limit for each budget category. Don’t worry, these categories and percentages can change throughout the planning process as you learn and understand more about what the costs of your wedding will entail.

Here is a general breakdown of wedding budget categories:

Venue: 20%
Catering: 20%
Attire: 8%
Photography: 8%
Entertainment: 7%
Flowers: 7%
Decor: 6%
Day of Coordinator: 6%
Rings: 4%
Hair & Makeup: 2%
Stationary: 2%
*Extra Cushion: 10%

*Always make sure you budget an extra 10%-20% for unforeseen expenses.

Next: Divide up who will pay for what? Will it be split 50/50? Will each person pay for the catering fees for their guests? Are your families or friends helping with any costs? This will help you decided how many people you want to invite to your wedding. More guests=more expensive, less guests=less expensive.

Step Five: Find and Book a Venue

Now that you know when and where you want to get married, and you’ve decided on your general budget, you can start exploring venues for your ceremony and/or reception. When looking for venues you’ll want to make a list of all of your “MUST HAVES” and all of your “DEAL BREAKERS".”

Here is the list I made for myself when planning my own wedding:

MUST HAVE:

• Indoor and Outdoor spaces for guests

• Space for a bar

• Electricity for a DJ

• Air conditioning

• Private on-site bathrooms

• Trees outside
  

DEAL BREAKERS:

• Can hear highway sound

• short ceilings (i had tall guests)

• kicked out of the venue before sunset
  

You will also want to come up with a list of questions for each vendor you speak to. Here are the questions I asked the venue vendors I talked to while planning my wedding:

How much does the venue cost?

Is there a deposit? Is the deposit non-refundable? In what situations would we not receive our entire deposit back?

Are there any additional fees? What are those fees?

When is full payment due?

What is your postponement policy?

What is the very latest we must be out of there? Are there overtime fees?

What items and equipment are complimentary? Are tables, chairs, linens, catering equipment, heaters, coolers, etc. included? What all would i need to rent?

Do you have liability insurance? Would you recommend I get event insurance?

Please give me an updated and complete list of preferred vendors/musicians.

Can I bring in outside vendors?

Are there surcharges for nonpreferred vendors?

What are your food and beverage policies for the outdoor spaces? Indoor spaces?

Can I bring in my own bar service? What are the requirements for me to bring my own bar service?

Does your space have restrictions on floral items or décor?

How many restrooms/stalls are on-site? Are they private for guest use?

How early can we access the space?

Will the rest of the venue be open to the public? Will there be other people around/in our venue space or will it be blocked off?

Where can we unload and load up equipment and materials? Where can catering unload?

Do you have facilities for catering? Would we need to rent catering items?

What time/day does everything need to be cleared out by? When would the final walk-through inspection be? How soon can we expect to receive our returned deposit after the final walk-through inspection?

What are the sound restrictions?

Do you provide security on the general premises?

Is there a space for coat check?

Will there be any other events on my wedding day?

Step Six: Send out Save-the-dates

Now that you know your:

• Guest List

• Wedding Date

• Venue Location

You can send out save-the-dates! These can be paper or digital. If you’re having a budget wedding then save the dates are one of the first things you can omit and save a hundred dollars or more. You can make digital save the dates on several free wedding planning websites and apps. You can also reach out to each guest individually to tell them the date of your wedding yourself! (If you do this make sure to ask them for their mailing address so you don’t have to call them again later when you’re sending out invitations.)

Step Seven: Hire a Wedding Planner

For a totally hands-off stress free experience— hire a wedding planner.
A wedding planner will handle all the small choices that ultimately cause stress and decision fatigue for couples planning their own weddings.
A wedding planner will do all your vendor research, interviews, contract review, and booking as well as completely design your wedding ceremony and reception. They are there to make this experience easy and to hold both of your hands every step of the way.

CONGRATULATIONS! If you have completed the steps above then you have a pretty good start to planning your wedding and are on track to get married on the date you picked! You can sit back, relax, and enjoy being engaged and the slow, fun process of planning all the finer details of your wedding. See my next blog post for how to create your own wedding planning checklist and timeline to stay on track throughout the planning process.